Friends - chunks

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There's nothing to tell!, He's just some guy, I work with.
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There's nothing to tell!, He's just some guy, I work with.
C'mon, you're going out with the guy!
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C'mon, you're going out with the guy!
There's gotta be something wrong with him!
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There's gotta be something wrong with him!
All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?.
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All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?.
Wait, does he eat chalk?
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Wait, does he eat chalk?
(They all stare, bemused.)
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(They all stare, bemused.)
Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.
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Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.
It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
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It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Sounds like a date to me.
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Sounds like a date to me.
Alright, so I'm back in high school,
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Alright, so I'm back in high school,
I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria,
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I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria,
and I realize I am totally naked.
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and I realize I am totally naked.
Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
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Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
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Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Instead of...?
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Instead of...?
That's right.
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That's right.
Never had that dream.
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Never had that dream.
All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
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All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
Now, I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
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Now, I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
And they weren't looking at you before?!
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And they weren't looking at you before?!
Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother,
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Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother,
which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
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which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
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This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Are you okay, sweetie?
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Are you okay, sweetie?
I just feel like someone reached down my throat,
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I just feel like someone reached down my throat,
grabbed my small intestine,
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grabbed my small intestine,
pulled it out of my mouth
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pulled it out of my mouth
and tied it around my neck.
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and tied it around my neck.
Cookie?
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Cookie?
Carol moved her stuff out today.
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Carol moved her stuff out today.
Let me get you some coffee.
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Let me get you some coffee.
Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)
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Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)
No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
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No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
Fine! Be murky!
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Fine! Be murky!
I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone.
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I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone.
I hope she'll be very happy.
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I hope she'll be very happy.
No you don't.
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No you don't.
No I don't. to hell with her, she left me!
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No I don't. to hell with her, she left me!
And you never knew she was a lesbian...
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And you never knew she was a lesbian...
No!!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
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No!!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
She didn't know, how should I know?
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She didn't know, how should I know?
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
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Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
(They all stare at him.)
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They all stare at him.)
Did I say that out loud?
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Did I say that out loud?
I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
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I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman sobbing at 3:00 A.M.
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Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman sobbing at 3:00 A.M.
I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren. was what? A wrong number?
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I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren. was what? A wrong number?
Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now.
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Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now.
You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
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You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
Ross gestures his consent.
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Ross gestures his consent.
Strip joint!. (striptease).
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Strip joint!. (striptease).
C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
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C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
I don't want to be single, okay?.
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I don't want to be single, okay?.
I just wanna be married again!
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I just wanna be married again!
Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through
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Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through
what I went through with Carl.
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what I went through with Carl.

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